To my unborn son

To my unborn son:

Alright little man...time to hatch. Dr. Boyer (you'll meet her...she'll be one of the first people you see, aaaand she'll perform your circumcision--don't worry you'll thank me in junior high) says that you are in the perfect position. We're just waiting on you.

I know Grandma says you aren't allowed to come out until after Uncle Ryan's graduation. I just don't think I can bear it any longer. This is what I currently look like because of you:

If you find yourself freaking out because I posted a bare belly pic, then you should (a)take the stick out of your butt or (b) go watch some FOX news to neutralize the scandal

Yes my darling son...that is you in there. Yes you have dropped, and yes I am that white. If it appears painful and/or uncomfortable then you are spot on. IT IS. So come out already.

Don't worry, I still love you even though:

• I cannot bear to carry you en utero any longer
• You totally ruined my butt
• People saw a picture of me before you came into my life and didn't really believe it was me. Seriously, I used to be so hot.

So we'll see what kind of personality you have: you can stay holed up inside me according to grandma's wishes or flip your due date the bird and dive bomb into Dr. Boyer's waiting hands. And don't be scared to do the latter...after all you are a product of me.

Love,

Mom