Through the Looking Glass

I'm going through a lot of changes now that I'm pregnant. Obviously. But I've encountered new undiscovered territories in my life.

Example #1: Diaries of a Mad Caucasian Pregnant Woman.

At my 7th month check up I got some poorly delivered news from my nurse and doctor: I've gained too much weight. @#$@%!!!! I'm confused. I know that I initially gained weight on my hips and thighs (its like a shelf to hold the rest of me up!) boobs (seriously, if you are flat, just get pregnant and you will be a DD in no time) and face. That all happened within the first trimester, and since then, I've just gotten a huge belly.

IN ADDITION! I only crave healthy foods! So I only eat healthy foods! I'm not bragging! Exclamation marks! And I'm like a weimareiner now: if I don't get to go outside and work out I'll just end up chewing the furniture and pooping all over the carpet.

Ok, I get it, so whole grains+leafy greens+lean protein+1 hour of daily exercise=oh Katie, watch what you eat, you're gaining too much weight. I talked to my doctor, and she said, well just watch the carbs.

I cried on the car ride back because I was so enraged. NO ONE tells me to watch my carbs!!! I wanted to punch a mirror, or some other nonsensical act of violence. I mean #*%@! I'm pregnant! What do you want me to do? Go on a diet? Also, look at the [bleeping] size of my man cub fetus...HE'S HUGE!!! Call me crazy, but maybe a lot of this new weight is coming from the growing size of my huge baby. Both sides of my family gave birth to big babies. I mean, I was born a week early and weighed 8 lbs! And don't even get me started on the TEN POUND babies born on my dad's side. (yeah...I'm getting an epidural.)

me at 23-24 weeks

And me and Ry Ry at 27 weeks. I got big fast.

So maybe my doctor and the nurse are idiots, or maybe I've turned into Emily Gilmore/the mom from Arrested Development who says that their doctor is an idiot and doesn't know what he/she is talking about.

So, wow. I'm hormonal. Deal. And here's another example of newfound territory:

Example #2: Am I a teen mom or a grown-up?

When I first started showing I got a lot of weird looks from people. Not like "wow I can't believe you're going out in public with your hair like that" but more like "holy crap you're a pregnant teenager" kinda looks. Honestly, old news. People have been mistaking me as a 14 year old since I was 16, and thinking I was twins with my little brother who is four years younger than me. Whatever, I have a baby face, I look young, no I'm applying for a job not looking for my mom.

But now that I'm pregnant, I don't want people to think I'm some irresponsible idiot! No! I'm married! My husband has a full-time job...that offers health care and dental! No look! its a PPO! I'm a contributing member of society! No matter my protests I still got the "whaaaer you? Like one a them teen girls who gets 'erself pregnant to get on that ther "Teen mom" show to gitcha self famous on tha MTV?" [read aloud in your best Arkansas hick voice.]

Well, that Arkansas's opinion was shattered earlier this week. On one of my walks around my neighborhood I got stopped by a woman. Not just a woman, a REALTOR. Asking if I was in the market for a house...or an addition for my little one. Wha...?? I was so shocked that someone was treating me like an adult I answered like a 10 year old...."no, ugh no." The following conversation ensued in my head:

Crazy brain: "what does she think I am? Some kind of grown-up? Like I could ever afford one of these houses? Ok crazy lady, come back and talk to me in like 5 years. Hah, well crazy, I'm looking to expand to a 2 bedroom apartment at the end of the summer!! Nice try. Crazy. Treating me like a grown-up."

Logical brain: "Katie. You are crazy. Do you know how many young trophy wives live in this neighborhood? You fit the bill. You're walking around with sunglasses on in the middle of the work day. Also, you're 23, pregnant and married, with a PPO. You're a grown-up."

My former sense of self is shattering all around me. I'm no longer the "skinny-biotch" teen mom. I'm officially the "watch your carbs" house buying adult. Help me.