The Precious

I bet you thought I meant my fetus...or even my husband. Wrong. I'm talking about this baby:

One stroller to rule them all. The Bumbleride indie. Its made to carry a newborn up to a toddler. Jogging stroller and umbrella everyday stroller all in one. Huge canopy, huge storage space, and most importantly...sexy.

Yeah, I have turned into one of those weirdos who goes from looking at 5 inch heels on the Nordstrom website to looking at bad-a strollers online. Forget pregnancy hormones...the mommy hormone has kicked in...and wow, I'm blogging about strollers. My followers just dropped from 3 readers to like .05

Anywho. Fetus is deciding whether he wants to be a linebacker or play on the USA soccer team. He kicks, flips, wiggles, hiccups, punches and headbutts like a champ. Nurses...who are unhappy with their lives...like to tell me "good luck with this one! You're life is pretty much going to suck because he is crazy active!"

Uggghhh....thanks jerk. 1. He's a boy, so of course he's going to wiggle and jive a lot more than a girl. 2. He's the son of Cameron Jones so he's meeting expectations. 3. My doctor is amazing and says that active babies are a sign of a healthy baby so be thankful and glad! Love you Boyer (shoot dirty look to nurses.)

So I have an active baby. Are there any perks to that? Oh yeah. When fetus kicks I tend to touch my stomach. Anytime I touch my stomach people are sooo freaking nice to me. The workers at Cafe Rio offer me free quesadillas, put extra meat in my burritos, and give me like 5 trillion stamps on my stamp card. Fruit cart lady in east LA (who doesn't speak any english) smiles and hands me a free orange when I buy an apple. When I go to vendors to buy denim (I buy jeans for a jeans company) they sit me down, fill up my water bottle, give me cookies, ferrero roche, bananas, and apples. They also give me a discount which I will gladly take. Scary hairy/burly check out guy at the grocery store puts all my groceries in my cart and offers to put them in my car...and smiles. Trader Joe's cashier worker sincerely asks me how my day is going and then advises me to take a nap if I'm tired...it was cute not demeaning.

I freaking love it. I'm considering after the baby is born wearing one of those maternity pads like the crazy ex-wife did in Glee. Someday I'll post a belly pic. If I ever take one. Oh I also found stretch marks...not on my stomach...on my butt. I'm pissed. It looks when I was about to sit on the toilet a crazy cat jumped through my bathroom window and raked it's claws on my backside. Whoa, TMI. Blog readers went from .05 to .002. Well, for now be consoled with a picture of clothes that Mama Jones bought for fetus.

Thats right. Dinosaur onesies. Its pretty much the equivalent of a fluffy white kitten playing with yarn (or for the non-cat people a lab puppy frolicking through a field.) And don't worry, I've already gone out and spent obscene amounts of money on cutie patootie little man clothes. Yikes, I'm writing out baby talk. Aaand cut.