T.J. Eckleburg

We've been living the Great Gatsby life for the past two years. Actually, being at Wharton was like the Great Gatsby/House of Mirth all rolled into one. It started off with a lot of excess and fun, and then ended with a lot of excess and disenchantment. I've been struggling to write about my experience from the past two years because I feel if I'm honest about it I find myself as the Nick Carraway figure feeling completely disillusioned and negative about our two years. On the other hand when I try to put a positive or humorous spin on it, it just feels disingenuous. Can I just be frank? I'm going to allow myself to be real, and to be honest and to not be afraid to communicate our REAL experience and life lessons learned while at Wharton. So here's a few:

1. Be conscious of others. I think I've been pretty open about feeling left out and excluded within our own social sphere. It sucks. Like it surprisingly hurt my feelings more than I expected it to. And people told me to get over it, but how do you just "get over it?" I was thinking about this when I realized: fetch. I've been a huge exclusionary a-hole many times in my life. Many times. Even when I was so upset about being left out these past two years I WAS ALSO LEAVING OTHERS OUT! So with that revelation I am going to work harder at including the people, and to be conscious of others who tend to get forgotten. And that's how you get over it. Make it right in your own life.
2. Just let yourself cry. I'm not a public crier. Can't explain it, I just will never allow myself to cry in public. Yes, I most definitely need to see a therapist about this. But looking back, I think if I just let myself cry that could have communicated a lot more than angry words could have. I think it would have shown some deeper emotions and some of the hurt on my part. 
3. Its okay to say NO. Do you know what FOMO is? (Fear of missing out.) That's a real thing. I spent a lot of time trying to hang out with a lot of people and NEVER MISS ANYTHING when I really should have just relaxed more, and spent quality time with quality people instead of chasing all the FUN FUN FUN and DO MORE'S and SPEND MORE's. 
4. People are complicated. I think life would be so much easier if you could just lump a person into a "good" or "bad" category. However, humans are complicated. People who have been pretty rude to me have been unwaveringly kind and loving to my kids. It blows my mind. And it's a good thing.
5. Everyone is the hero in their own story. I believe you made a really douche move. But to you, it wasn't a douche move, it was the right thing for you and your family. Not a lot of people purposefully WANT to be a douche in social/professional settings. It just appears that way. But not to you. Just like I appear to be a huge yatch for a lot of things that I do. 
6. If they feel attacked, people will always discount your feelings. It's all happened to us, and we've all done it to people. For example if you say "Hey, that was pretty messed up what you said" they usually respond with something along the lines of "have thicker skin" or "you're so sensitive" or "I was joking man." Don't let that happen. 
7. What I really want for my family. I recently read a quote from a mom of two boys who are autistic AND child prodigies. This is what she had to say "Both kids are very bright, but my priority is that they're happy. I don't care if they don't win a Nobel Prize. I just want them to be happy and to have a social circle that's supportive. I want them to be around people who are healthy for them and truly appreciate them for who they are. That's what I want in life for them; that's successful." CAN I GET AN AMEN?!
8. Last but not least: Always have a cocktail dress on hand. What? Yeah, seriously. I mean it. There have been way too many times where the dress code is "cocktail attire" (the worst) and I have a meltdown and end up screaming "WHY CAN'T I JUST WEAR JEANS AND SNEAKERS?!" Because young one, just because, some occasions demand that you #suitup . 

So there it is. I had a whole summer in Philly without any Wharton stank on it, and it was a lovely summer. I feel like I can look back on our time at Wharton and be like "yeah, dude. It sucked. Like, a lot." But we also made a few lifelong friends. Fellow SoCal people who I can binge watch TV with from across the county. That's important. Other women who really understand and love special needs kids because they have a special needs sibling. People who love reading books and dancing to Missy Elliot. All of these things are important to me, and those are my good memories from our time at Wharton. So it didn't all come up roses, but hey, at least I saw myself as Nick Carraway instead of Myrtle who ends up getting run over by a freaking yellow banana car. Can I get an amen?

A few of my favorite times from the last year: