True Philadelphia Blood

Guys, you know me. You know I'm a straight shooter. So I'm just going to give you a few 100% true, straight shooter facts about Philadelphia. Hope you enjoy.

1. Philadelphia is the "City of Brotherly Love" which completely boggles my mind: were people super nice here back in the 1700s? Because, how do I say this, this city has THE WORST customer service ever. Like ever. I mean, I got better customer service from the little Tijuana kids selling chicklets. Not racist. Just true. I asked for a sci-fi recommendation (for Cameron!) at Barnes and Nobles, and the girl directed me to the horror section. Uh, nope. Nope. I mean, at least the girl answered my question. Go into any clothing store, and the employees will act put out that you walked in. Fine. Forget you. I hope your brick and mortar banana republic closes because I am now doing all my shopping ONLINE. 
2. Comcast owns this town. Like Falcone from Batman Begins. Comcast is EVERYWHERE and they see EVERYTHING but they can't fix ANYTHING or make ANY promises because a tech should be out to your place between the hours of 1pm in 2016 and 5 pm in 2020. I honest to goodness have a tech sitting in my apartment right now trying to fix our non-existent cable, and even he is like "freak, this company is the worst."*
3. People love to tell you how to parent your child. And they are all overly anxious about the status of Rory's feet. Two guaranteed phrases I hear whenever I walk out the door with my two kids is "Oh! he's missing a sock!" (spoiler alert: it's in his hand or mouth) and "I just don't want him to hurt himself." -- This last one is in reference to Josh. And for the record, they don't care if he hurts himself or not, he just stresses them out by being three year old that is alive. Also, having a medical degree/being in school for a medical degree does not mean you are good with kids. 9 times out of 10 it means you will annoy and aggravate me by giving me parenting advice.
4. If you are from south philly you will introduce yourself by stating your name, and then by saying "from south philly born and raised!" It's my favorite thing ever.
5. When parallel parking you straight knock bumpers with the cars in front and behind you. This may be a city thing in general, but no one quite knocks bumpers as hard or as carelessly as Philadelphians.
6. Philadelphia pizza is great, but you have to learn to adapt to the really sweet sauce. As in the sauce tastes sweet like sugar, not like the phrase "sweet sauce."
7. You have an amazing freedom to wear what you want without any judgement. I went grocery shopping in sweat pants and ugg boots. Two wrongs do not make a right, but apparently in Philly they also don't make a wrong. Fashion math is useless here! I love it. And guess what? I wore sweater leggings to the park yesterday. And I know I know I know leggings are not pants, but maybe? Because I wore them as pants yesterday and I didn't see a picture of myself plastered on the internet with the words "LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!" underneath it. 
8. Anything the Pennsylvania Dutch makes is pure gold. Donuts, pretzels, pancakes. No, it's not overrated. Even their diet coke tastes better. My heart just about skips a beat every time I see the mennonite women rolling dough.

Looking over this list, I think proves that I've grown accustomed to suburban life. But city life is growing on me more and more, and my body is finally used to walking instead of driving. Yay for lower rates of obesity!

*The technician just fixed our cable! And before he left, he changed it to Bravo because The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on. That guy really knows how to please white women.