Dix-Huit

Well, Joshua is almost 19 months old so I better post his stats for 18 months (for normal people, read as one and a half.)

• Joshy is still 75% for height and a little under 50% for weight. Except I'm pretty sure he put on 10 lbs over the Christmas holidays (didn't we all? amirite?!) because this guy is a tank. He still has a little protruding belly, and has recently become extremely painful to carry to church...which is only 200 yards away.
• Joshy is simultaneously a ginormous sweetie and stinker (just like this dad...what?!). I think most toddlers are, but, literally, he'll run up and give me a hug and a kiss and then slap me in the face. We've had lots of time outs in this house recently
• He has the GREATEST sense of humor. He laughs so easily and I love it! J thinks it's hilarious when someone trips and falls down. I think this started because his slew of uncles would do this to make him laugh, but now he just laughs ANY TIME ANYONE falls down. One example is the little one year old at church who is learning to walk: like all kids learning to walk she would take 5-6 steps and then fall down on her tush. In the middle of Sacrament Meeting Joshua saw this, laughed so hard (and loud!) and ran after her and then purposely fell down on his bum. Yes, he now falls on purpose to get people to laugh at him. My MIL has a video of Uncle Bop playing soccer with Josh who would feign to kick at the ball and then say "whoa!" and fall down...and laugh hysterically. 
• He also thinks talking animal characters doing silly sounds is the best thing in the world i.e. Dory speaking whale, Isma as a cat falling off the cliff and yelling, Abu doing anything, you name it.
• He LOVES building. He loves to stack his wooden blocks (he can get about 16-19 high.) And if they all fall down, he immediately starts stacking again. He also has some Duplo blocks (they're like ginormy legos) that he goes bonkers over. He'll try to stack the tallest tower he can, but only if it is color coordinate. Only yellow blocks go on the yellow tower etc. I might be bragging (ok I totally am) but I feel like that is one smart bubba.
• Joshy is ALL about books. His favorites right now are Where the Wild Things Are, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, I Want My Hat Back, Goodnight Moon, and a ton of these little scripture board books.
• He's still SUPER intense. Try and pull that boy away from something he is in the middle of and he will throw a huge tantrum. He's just intense about everything he does. It's either 100% or 100%. He'll practice something over and over and over until he's perfected it. Like shooting baskets on his new baby hoop, walking up and down an incline (this may sound surprising but apparently this is a huge deal for toddlers) and lots of other things that make me exhausted just thinking about them. So yes, I'm tired all the time.
• Ugh, his choices of foods that he'll eat are narrowing. I'm trying my best, but I worry that he's not getting enough nutrition. Enter gummy vitamins. FYI they are delicious! I always eat like 2, or 3, or 16 every time I give him one. Right now his food groups are cheese, carbs, milk, and candy. He loves fruit but since we're living in Utah, the land where crops grow in particular season (WTF? In LA I could get fruit year round! wah!) our choices are oranges, mandarins, and cuties. Apparently, this little prince only likes CANNED mandarin oranges (someone explain to me what is wrong with my kid, because anyone who likes canned oranges over fresh ones has a serious issue.)
• He's saying a few words! Wahoo! Oh, did I not mention that he didn't say ANYTHING until he was 18 months old? Well yes, I was actually super stressed out about it. I had him meet with therapists, who, apparently couldn't take him on as a patient because he wasn't bad enough. So for about 6 months I would have certain hormonal moments when I'd be on my run and then start crying on the side of the running trail because I didn't know what was going on with my kid. I was a freak, I know. But! Now he's saying a few words! And the best part is, he might be saying more than we realize because I just can't understand what the @#$% he's saying! He tends to cut off the first consonant or syllable of his words; good is 'ood, daddy is 'addy, what are you doing you incompetent woman is do do do dodo!!! and father, your logic is flawed is gidja digum jay jay jay! and last but not least thank you is da do.

Which brings me to my next point: how much I loathe people who flaunt how well their kids talk when they find out that mine doesn't. Like...what the hell is that all about? Example "well, yeah Joshua is actually not really talking, which worries me and we're trying to address whatever is happening an...'Oh he's not talking? How weird is that?! MY kid was saying the alphabet at 8 months old! oh and she was signing for more broccoli when she was 6 months old! She's so great! Oh! Also, my husband gets home at 5 and all of these people are trying to recruit him to work for them! Oh! And I'm pregnant! Its because we're righteous enough to have faith in god to have kids 12 months apart!"

Ugh, really? So tell me what's really going on here? What are you insecure about? Oh and FYI you are no longer my friend. I have hidden all of your obnoxious facebook posts from my newsfeed like 3 months ago and I wish to have no more contact with you because, well, how do I say this, you are a horrible person. 

Its such a fine line, and I don't want any of my friends to feel weird about sharing their kids successes with me. Because I really am thrilled for you! Its just the ones who are RUBBING it in, who live solely through their children's successes because they feel insecure about not finishing school, being a stay at home mom WHATEVER!!! Just don't be a douche bag! That's all I'm asking. I don't think its too much to ask.

And I swear to @#%$, if you say I'm just being insecure, or you're judging me somehow because my kid is a delayed talker and only eats dinosaur nuggets I will curse you. I will curse you with a hyper-intense, exhausting child who only eats dinosaur nuggets and doesn't talk. I will additionally curse you with a child who is hard to potty-train and ends up being a horrible teenager. 

Eat that.