You go Glen Coco
Did this blog seriously make it past 100 posts?! I never thought I'd see the day: I guess having a cute baby really helps.
Why do I keep talking about weight loss? It's annoying and I know it. I hear the people I talk to getting bored but it keeps coming back up like word vomit (mean girls reference.) Some girls who have clearly not had their hips opened up for birthing and are single ask me "What? You STILL haven't lost the baby weight?!" My response is usually a quick and shrill "I'VE LOST THE BABY WEIGHT!" (think Gretchen Weiners screaming "you can't sit with us!") I just haven't closed my @#$% &*%#ing abdominals!
I've gone to extraordinary measures with Cameron's credit card to find a program that will help close my abdominal separation; I even thought that I found THE fool proof isometric program that will do the trick. Here's the catch: this program, or technique, is RIDICULOUS. 16 weeks with these like 1.5 hour long exercises that you're supposed to do ev-er-y-day. And wear an abdominal splint 24 hours a day. And a junk ton of other really restrictive rules that make me feel like I'm 15 and dealing with my seminary teacher again. FYI tangos with my seminary teacher did not go well back then--they had to send in my dad as a substitute teacher. Mid exercise I scream "Argh! This isn't going to happen! Stop trying to make this happen!"
But like they say, I don't hate the technique because I'm fat, I'm fat, because I hate the technique.
For reals though, Mean Girl quotes aside, is there an easier option out there? And don't you dare say surgery, because if you do, you WILL get chlamydia and die. And you smell like a baby prostitute.
This post has disintegrated into straight Mean Girl quotes. What's your favorite?
Why do I keep talking about weight loss? It's annoying and I know it. I hear the people I talk to getting bored but it keeps coming back up like word vomit (mean girls reference.) Some girls who have clearly not had their hips opened up for birthing and are single ask me "What? You STILL haven't lost the baby weight?!" My response is usually a quick and shrill "I'VE LOST THE BABY WEIGHT!" (think Gretchen Weiners screaming "you can't sit with us!") I just haven't closed my @#$% &*%#ing abdominals!
I've gone to extraordinary measures with Cameron's credit card to find a program that will help close my abdominal separation; I even thought that I found THE fool proof isometric program that will do the trick. Here's the catch: this program, or technique, is RIDICULOUS. 16 weeks with these like 1.5 hour long exercises that you're supposed to do ev-er-y-day. And wear an abdominal splint 24 hours a day. And a junk ton of other really restrictive rules that make me feel like I'm 15 and dealing with my seminary teacher again. FYI tangos with my seminary teacher did not go well back then--they had to send in my dad as a substitute teacher. Mid exercise I scream "Argh! This isn't going to happen! Stop trying to make this happen!"
But like they say, I don't hate the technique because I'm fat, I'm fat, because I hate the technique.
For reals though, Mean Girl quotes aside, is there an easier option out there? And don't you dare say surgery, because if you do, you WILL get chlamydia and die. And you smell like a baby prostitute.
This post has disintegrated into straight Mean Girl quotes. What's your favorite?
- "'My nana takes her wig off when she's drunk.' 'Your nana and I have that in common.'"
- "I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea in Barnes and Nobles. and I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now."
- " And on the third day, God created the remington bull action rifle, so that man could fight the dinosaurs...and the ho-mo-sexuals. Amen!"
- " YOUR MOM'S CHEST HAIR!"
I have a feeling a few years from now I'm really going to regret writing this post.
She doesn't even go here.
ReplyDeleteI screamed with laughter about seminary... and that wasn't even a mean girl joke. But I think we did have a few mormon mean girl moments in there, at least I bet that's what the others thought. What would I have done without you?!?!
ReplyDeleteAbdominal separation shmabdominal seperation, you look fantastic. Now if only I had showed you my jowles of a dog tummy- now that ain't going anywhere EVER.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh I second Kelsey. The seminary teacher reference made my day. Also, I think your dad saved my life by teaching our class. I remember the teacher would come back and ask how it was having a sub and we would have to hide that it was freaking amazing. Fav mean girls quote--I just have a lot of feelings! Thanks for making me laugh!
ReplyDelete