Grammy, Where Do Butts Come From?
"Well sweetheart, that's the beginning of an origin story if I've ever heard one! But everyone has their own personal butt origin story, and let me tell you mine...
When I was 16 one of the greatest stressors in my young life was my belief that I would never have a butt. Then when I was 26 and pregnant with your Uncle, BOOM! It suddenly appeared! It was a combination of delayed genetics, ice cream and lots and lots of spin classes. Ever since then, it has never gone away.
::happy sigh::
Some people get butts from genetics.
Some people get butts from Doritos.
And some people get butts from squats and lycra.
It's one of God's beautiful and variable gifts to humanity. "
"Oh, is that why you wrote that book...?"
"Yes darling, it IS the reason why I wrote 'Butts are Not for Catcalling.' God gave us butts for sitting on, and being able to hold our bodies up! Women across the country responded so well to it that it became required reading to the men who got ticketed for 'catcalling and generally being a pervert.' The money from that book funded Grammy's adamantium bones so now I'll never die!"
"Really?! Well, my friend's mom said we should be grateful when someone yells at us from the street."
"Oh sweetheart--you're mother's friend is an idiot. Plain and simple. No one should appreciate being verbally harassed with explicit sexual content. So next time someone is so monumentally unaware, you hold your head up high and just give them the finger. I give you permission. Now go and bring me a Dr Pepper. I can drink as many as I want now that I have these adamantium bones."
When I was 16 one of the greatest stressors in my young life was my belief that I would never have a butt. Then when I was 26 and pregnant with your Uncle, BOOM! It suddenly appeared! It was a combination of delayed genetics, ice cream and lots and lots of spin classes. Ever since then, it has never gone away.
::happy sigh::
Some people get butts from genetics.
Some people get butts from Doritos.
And some people get butts from squats and lycra.
It's one of God's beautiful and variable gifts to humanity. "
"Oh, is that why you wrote that book...?"
"Yes darling, it IS the reason why I wrote 'Butts are Not for Catcalling.' God gave us butts for sitting on, and being able to hold our bodies up! Women across the country responded so well to it that it became required reading to the men who got ticketed for 'catcalling and generally being a pervert.' The money from that book funded Grammy's adamantium bones so now I'll never die!"
"Really?! Well, my friend's mom said we should be grateful when someone yells at us from the street."
"Oh sweetheart--you're mother's friend is an idiot. Plain and simple. No one should appreciate being verbally harassed with explicit sexual content. So next time someone is so monumentally unaware, you hold your head up high and just give them the finger. I give you permission. Now go and bring me a Dr Pepper. I can drink as many as I want now that I have these adamantium bones."
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