Autism's Mother Speaks

Alright ladies and gents, it is official. Last week Joshua was officially diagnosed with "moderate" autism. I know that you, or most people have no idea what to say to a parent who has just found out their child has autism so let me just be a straight shooter: we are excited to have this diagnosis. Just to know, what the crap is going on with your kid, and exact therapies and programs that you can do to help. This is so much better than the guessing, making excuses, and hoping he would grow out of it. We know. It's autism. And you know what? It's not the end of the world. Or the end of his life. Or potential. I mean freak, we're just getting started with this kid.

So, what to say to a parent who's child has just been officially diagnosed:

1. "Yes! Now you know!"
2. "Hey, thats great. Now I bet he can get more therapy!"
3. "What can I do to help?"
4. "We love you, and we love Josh."

Definitely do not feel sorry for me. Ugh, I hate that. I'm sure there are just so many people "Oh my gosh, did you hear about Katie's kid? Yeah, he has autism. I feel SOO BAD for her!" Shiz like that takes me to a whole new level rage. Don't feel bad for me, because my kid is a @#$%ing baller. He's also a person, who has emotions, feelings, and an imagination. He may not process the world like you and me, but he's still a kid. Not some rote alien who has no feelings. 

Oh, also do not tell me that if I start feeding him more greens/spin a magic color wheel in front of his eyes it will cure his autism. Because that's insane.

And don't feel smug and believe that I ate too many sour straws, or inhaled too much LA pollution while pregnant (which I did) with Josh that caused his autism. I really believe the genetic soup mix of Cameron and I produced the autistic chocolate lava cake that is Josh: you gotta dig to get to the delicious gooey center yatches!

So yeah, I feel passionate about people not feeling sorry for me. But I also sometimes feel like I want to passionately tell you to shut your face when you complain about your child's nothing problems. I don't mean to start a mommy war where I draw my sword with the "your problems are NOTHING compared to mine"-- because thats not true. Being a parent is hard no matter what your kid's psychological standing, but uh, maybe don't talk to me about how hard it is that your child is so happy all the time. That's not hard. And that is also not a good way to make friends (just an FYI.)

I'll get real with you though: it gets really hard. Just the other day we went to a family center on Penn's campus and there was an issue with another little boy. Josh gets hyper obsessed with toy trains, and this kid wanted to play with the trains. Long story short Josh pushed his hands away and the kid started screaming at him--which is the #1 worst thing to do to my kid. He hates screaming--he'll lash out physically if you scream at him. Which is exactly what happened. All I wanted to do was swoop in like the biotch mother goddess of autism and gag this little kid and then swiftly punch his caretaker (another FYI: that is not a good thing to do in public.) So I had to carry Josh out of the room screaming and crying and thrashing around and hug and console him in another corner. I felt and saw the other moms staring at me, judging me, wondering "what the hell is wrong with that kid?" Again, if only I could do the whole swoop in as the biotch mother goddess and scream "HE HAS AUTISM! STOP LOOKING AT US! STOP BEING SUCH @#$%ING @#$%&*@ AND HAVE A LITTLE COMPASSION!"

But I didn't. Instead I choked down the pain in my chest and heart and kept my shiz together. And then I cried when I got home. I cried because I was so angry that I was being made out to be a bad parent, and then I cried again because I realized the only people in that stupid family center who weren't judging me or Josh or anything were my friends. The people who really matter; the ones who love my kid and offer up their own kids as a sacrifice during playdates so Josh can get social practice. I tell you, we really lucked out coming to Wharton when we did because we are surrounded by so many amazing families. (#mywharton)* 

And who knows, maybe one day I'll just own the whole biotch mother goddess thing. I never want to talk about Josh's autism in front of him like it is something bad, or some type of excuse. At the right time, I want him to know that he has it, and be like "yeah, cool. whatever. what's for dinner?"

*#ldswiveskeepittight as well. I want that to start trending. Because it's true, and also because I love all of my super tight lds wives friends. You guys are the best and I love you.