Happy Juice and other Recent Happenings

I've had a huge build-up of snarky comments welling up inside and there has been no socially appropriate release for me. And yes, I haven't posted to my blog in a long time, and no I'm not going to apologize...but here are the recent happenings:

• Stomach bug. Twice in 3 weeks. Who the heck does that happen to? And why have I puked so much since moving to Utah? The first bug started with us attempting to watch Gravity late at night until I screamed no more and demanded we go to bed. Cue the space nightmares, then the stomach cramps, then the chills, then the puking, and passing out on the bathroom floor STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT GRAVITY! I don't care how many awards that movie won, it is a terrible movie. Yeah, I only saw 30 minutes of it, but I'm assuming the next 90 minutes are just as horrific. And yes, I know George Clooney dies. And don't even get mad that I just spoiler alerted that!! And here's another spoiler alert: Dumbledore dies.
• On a horrifically good-ish maybe? note: I fit into my smaller pair of jeans (just one more jean size to go!) from not being able to eat for a week and losing all the muscle mass I spent weeks re-building after having Rory. Yay! (not.) 
• Cameron got into business school!!! We're so thrilled, and excited to move to Philadelphia for Cam to go to Wharton (the business school for Univeristy of Pennsylvania...that's straight Ivy league b!) We're also really excited about the other students who will be in Cam's graduating class; I'm just saying Harvard and Stanford were SO DUMB to reject some of these people!
• Ever since finding out about Wharton, I've been researching preschools to put Joshy into. Let's just say I've been simultaneously breathing into a paper bag, wetting my pants, and ripping my hair out. I'll tell you how and why the social class divide starts with just one word: preschool. We've already been through the graduate school application process why do I have to do it again with my toddler? And the "tuition" is more than my college education cost. Insanity. Here's a sample of the conversation I have with myself over which preschool to choose for Josh: "Well, I really want to put him in the Montessori school, I think that would work well with his personality and oh shiz, there's an 18 month wait period? Well, this catholic preschool only has a 1 month wait period so that could work...wait, the tuition is $6000 a semester? does that come with potty training lessons and the ability to speak? because I would pay 6 grand for that, and not to teach him how to take communion. freak. Maybe the Jewish school would let him in?"
• So, fellow mommies unite and give me some preschool advice! And graduate school/going into so much debt it makes my eyeballs bleed advice? 
• Also I read all the Divergent books. ALL of them! And I know everyone is loving on hating another teen dystopian novel, but I made room in my life for that ok? I take up about 3 hours every day of just sitting on my butt nursing my baby. 3 hours. And yeah, I would choose to be in Amity. They wear hippy clothes and garden all day. And they literally have happy juice. HAPPY JUICE! you would choose throwing knives or writing research papers over happy juice? You would?! Seriously? HAPPY JUICE!!!! Ok clearly you're not getting this. 
• Yeah I'm still talking about the Divergent books. Cameron says he could see me in Dauntless because I could just flip people off, punch everyone in the face, wear black and be my scary mean self. It's awesome that after 6 years of marriage he finally sees me for who I really am--and I'm not joking. While punching people I don't like/stabbing them in the eye with a butter knife would be tots cool, who wants to deal with swollen knuckles when you could just take the happy juice! Come on people!
• Yes I did dedicate 2 paragraphs to Divergent. My future posterity will be so proud. 

Also, I'm not apologizing for not posting pictures. Just follow me on instagram and you will see so many pictures of my cute boys you will have a heart attack and die.

It's been a long day. Like a really, really long day. Can you tell?