Now you're just somebody that I used to know who used to be fat
My angel of a mother-in-law is in town so we went shopping at the outlets in Park City (of course!) Something happened in the J-Crew dressing rooms that day that I can only describe as momentous.
I achieved my weight-loss nirvana.
I lost my baby weight, and then I lost my working-at-your-first-full-time-job-and-surrounded-by-soda-and-candy weight. For a few months the buck stopped there--I was one pants size away from being my regular, high-school/super hot college girl size. I had even come to love and accept that I would be this new and improved big-girl pant size forever and ever and ever. But all this pant size coping came to a crashing halt that fateful Friday afternoon.
I took my big-girl size corduroy cigarette pants into the dressing. I put them on. Oh dear @#$&%...the pants are too big.
The pants are too big.
THESE PANTS ARE TOO &$#@%ing BIG!!!
I actually kneeled down on the ground and almost started openly weeping. I pretty sure thats exactly how people feel when they climb Mt. Everest. EXACTLY.
I walked out of the dressing room with a golden halo around my head and holding the dead, lifeless and limp pants in my arms (think of the scene from Disney's Hercules where Hercules saves Megara's soul and then becomes a god--ugh, I watch too many kid movies.) What?! Katie, are you saying you have achieved godlike status from being a size @%?
No! I'm not, but I did have a golden halo around my head, and a single tear in my eye as I handed the attendant the pants and said "No, these didn't work out. They were too big." Then the entire store looked at me and started cheering--in my mind.
So I'd like to dedicate this post to that one OC girl who judged me for wearing a maternity dress 2 months post partum, the rapper who said he wanted a girl with a 44" booty--because that was exactly how big my butt was after I had Josh, and my sweet husband.
If you kind've hate me right now, I understand and I was there like 4 months ago.* Don't worry, people who say they lose all their baby weight from breastfeeding are really obnoxious and are usually Hollywood starlets who get a tummy tuck after their their c-section. It took me over a year to lose all my weight, and that was mostly because I quit breastfeeding. For reals, I dropped around 5-7 lbs when I stopped.
On another note, here are somethings I've learned about myself when I'm skinny:
I achieved my weight-loss nirvana.
I lost my baby weight, and then I lost my working-at-your-first-full-time-job-and-surrounded-by-soda-and-candy weight. For a few months the buck stopped there--I was one pants size away from being my regular, high-school/super hot college girl size. I had even come to love and accept that I would be this new and improved big-girl pant size forever and ever and ever. But all this pant size coping came to a crashing halt that fateful Friday afternoon.
I took my big-girl size corduroy cigarette pants into the dressing. I put them on. Oh dear @#$&%...the pants are too big.
The pants are too big.
THESE PANTS ARE TOO &$#@%ing BIG!!!
I actually kneeled down on the ground and almost started openly weeping. I pretty sure thats exactly how people feel when they climb Mt. Everest. EXACTLY.
I walked out of the dressing room with a golden halo around my head and holding the dead, lifeless and limp pants in my arms (think of the scene from Disney's Hercules where Hercules saves Megara's soul and then becomes a god--ugh, I watch too many kid movies.) What?! Katie, are you saying you have achieved godlike status from being a size @%?
No! I'm not, but I did have a golden halo around my head, and a single tear in my eye as I handed the attendant the pants and said "No, these didn't work out. They were too big." Then the entire store looked at me and started cheering--in my mind.
So I'd like to dedicate this post to that one OC girl who judged me for wearing a maternity dress 2 months post partum, the rapper who said he wanted a girl with a 44" booty--because that was exactly how big my butt was after I had Josh, and my sweet husband.
If you kind've hate me right now, I understand and I was there like 4 months ago.* Don't worry, people who say they lose all their baby weight from breastfeeding are really obnoxious and are usually Hollywood starlets who get a tummy tuck after their their c-section. It took me over a year to lose all my weight, and that was mostly because I quit breastfeeding. For reals, I dropped around 5-7 lbs when I stopped.
On another note, here are somethings I've learned about myself when I'm skinny:
- I'm cold all the time
- I have less empathy for other people because I'm so tired from working out and eating less than 1600 calories a day
- I have a pinterest boards dedicated solely to work outs and work out clothes. My fat self is so annoyed by this
- I want to/do curse a lot more. Be it in my head, out loud or just like a cartoon, there's a lot more f words floating around
And here are some things I've learned about myself when I'm chunky:
- I'm a lot more amiable. The only time I have emotional breakdowns are when I realize I don't fit into my clothes anymore
- emotional breakdowns are easily remedied by ice cream
- The people who find me attractive are my husband and real perverts
Well there you have it. You don't have to love me, or even like me, but you will respect me. Cuz I'm a boss.**
*But this yatch has earned her wings!
**rap song that came out when I was a senior in high school. I find it makes a good running pace for me on my longer runs. NBD.
Also I realize that once again, I have not put up any pictures of my angel nugget. Lets leave it at I promise to do it next time and also, I'm the worst.
I'm obsessed with you. That is all. Oh wait and CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I meant it when I told you you were lookin' good ;)
ReplyDeleteThis post is amazing.
ReplyDeleteLooks like it's time to have another kid :)
ReplyDelete